


As of Yet Unknown

by upset_and_confused



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, More To Come As The Fic Progresses, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-20 14:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1514171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upset_and_confused/pseuds/upset_and_confused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Bucky and Steve told through the eyes of a Sergeant, a Soldier and a Captain. In the cool autumn of 1940 Bucky, in the face of the homophobia of the time, must remain quiet about his feelings for Steve. A war, a capture, several years of torture, and an accidental meeting on a bridge change everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It wasn’t long after the death of Steve’s mom that they decided to just start living together. Really it made the most sense. They were so rarely apart and Steve often joked that Bucky suffered withdrawal if he was too far from Steve for too long. It would also be cheaper, neither man was well off and splitting rent would be a lot easier than paying separate full rents, so, three weeks after Steve buried his mother Bucky was plopping the last of his boxes on the floor of their living room.

“So am I still on the couch cushions?” Bucky teased as he started unpacking a few essentials, clothes, tooth brush, a few comic books. Steve blushed and looked down at his shoes “You didn’t have to do this, Buck…” He said softly

“Course I did.” Bucky answered, tossing a pair of boxers at Steve playfully, “You’d die on your own, buddy, ‘sides,” He grabbed Steve and yanked him down onto his lap, ruffling his hair, “You know how I get when I’m away from you too long, Stevie.” He simpered mockingly, pressing a sloppy kiss to the blonde’s cheek and getting a punch on the chest in return.

“Easy there, punk.” He laughed, the punch had felt like nothing more than a light shove, “Might break something.” Steve chuckled and stood up. “How does soup sound.” He smiled like he was giving Bucky a choice, they both knew it was all Steve could afford, hell it was all either of them could ever afford.

“Soup sounds great.”

**

Bucky had been kind of smitten with Steve since they were eight and an eighteen year old dick sack had beat the shit out of Steve for daring to exist. Bucky had been a scrappy little thing himself and had tried his damnedest to beat a lesson into the man but had ended up being called a queer and beaten up as well.

Bucky had carried Steve back home after that, he was already strong enough to do that without much difficulty. Mrs. Rogers had cleaned both of them up and kissed Bucky’s head with tears in her eyes, whispering ‘thank you’ over and over again for taking care of Steve. Steve had been more than bashful when he had come to, looking at Bucky with red cheeks and ears muttering about being grateful but that he could have taken care of it.

“You’re stupid.” Bucky had said, causing Steve to look at him indignantly “He was going to beat you to smithereens.”

“I- I had him!” Steve had stammered out.

“No you didn’t.” Buck had returned as he reached out to circle an arm around Steve’s shoulders and tug him close “But I’ve got you.” Steve blushed all over again and, for lack of any other hiding place, pressed his face into Bucky’s chest.

James Buchanan Barnes was a goner.

**

Along with moving in came a singular problem that they had both chosen to ignore right up until the moment they no longer could. The apartments all came with a few basic things; a couch, a table, and a single bed. You were not the owner of these items and you could not take them with you if you left. That being said, Bucky was bedless.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Steve? I love the couch cushions.” Bucky protested as Steve attempted to shove him into his bed.

“Buck, no. This is my fault and I’ll take the floor until we can get you a bed,” He huffed, feeling an asthma attack in the wings but refusing to let his stupidly over muscled friend spend the night on the floor “now get in!” He gave and almighty shove and yelped as Bucky moved just in time for Steve to crash into the bed.

He looked up, his face red with anger and exertion, Bucky grinned in a falsely sweet manner, crawling in bed beside Steve. “Looks like it could fit two.” He said knowing damn well that Steve would have to be all but on top of him for it to fit two and, even if Bucky was still in the closet about his being twitter pated with his best friend, he still couldn’t talk himself out of the possibility of getting to snuggle Steve for a whole night.

“Bucky…” Steve sighed as he sat back and looked the man over, “I can sleep on the floor. I don’t mind.”

“No, Steve.” He may know this was a horrible idea but dammit he was going to stand by his horrible idea until it killed him. “it’s your house and you’re letting me live in it. I’m not kicking you out of your bed and you’re not going to let me sleep on the floor, this is the best option. Besides,” He stretched out and smiled up at the blonde, “We used to share beds.”

Steve tried to set his jaw defiantly but all that happened was his lip started to wobble as he looked at Bucky, his eyes getting soft and his shoulders slumping. Bucky could see that he had won so instead of making a show of it, he gently took Steve in his arms.

“You okay?” He asked gently, as he smoothed down Steve’s hair, feeling the blonde nod. Steve was holding a lot back, Bucky had known him long enough to tell when this kind of thing was going on.

“Yeah, Buck.” Steve, muttered into Bucky’s chest, “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Bucky smiled, even if he knew they were both keeping something back he chose to let them both drop, if only for the moment. Grabbing the blankets and tugging them to cover Steve and him.

He closed his eyes, Steve leaned over to turn off the light, and Bucky smiled, he was going to regret this, he already knew. Nothing this perfect could last for him, it never had, but he chose to live for this moment, when he could almost believe that Steve loved him back and that they were away on their honey moon or something. Far from people who would beat him up or tell he was an abomination, somewhere just as perfect as this moment was.

“Good night, Jerk.” Steve muttered, huddling down for warmth.

“Night, punk.” Bucky muttered, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around Steve he could wait for that. He could always wait for Steve.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first serious fic and it really means a lot, all the support I have been getting. I love this story and I love all the people who have helped contribute to it so yeah. Stay perfect and keep the comments and kudos coming. They are a fucking ace confidence booster. Much love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god you guys. This is a second chapter. I feel so accomplished. I love you all and really love this story.  
> Much love and kisses and Soviet stars for everyone!

Bucky’s first morning in bed with Steve was… eventful.

They had been sharing beds since they had met, sleep overs became a quick tradition and every Friday night Mrs. Rogers would come with Steve to pick Bucky up from the orphanage. Bucky would pick Steve up in a tight hug the second he was out of the building, both boys giggling, and they would race back to Steve’s.  

Bucky was sweet, always, so nine out of ten times Steve beat him to the apartment. The tenth time was normally halted by an asthma attack and Bucky had to pick Steve up and rush him back to the house to cool him down, Steve’s mother not far behind.

They both found out that they were cuddlers quickly as they snuggled up on the couch cushions, surrounded by comic books and games. Mrs. Rogers always came in to find the boys tucked together tightly, Steve huddling close to Bucky for warmth and Bucky with his arms tight around Steve, giving him as much of his heat as he could.

That changed quickly when his mom sat Steve down and explained why it wasn’t okay for him to sleep with a boy. He was still a tiny, bony little thing when he muttered to Bucky that they were fifteen now and they shouldn’t be sleeping together.  

Bucky had nearly screamed in frustration at that, he had wanted to grab Steve around the waist and crush him into a hug, wanted to shake his shoulders until he understood why Bucky couldn’t let that happen. Why he needed to sleep with Steve. He needed to look after him and wake up every hour to make sure Steve was still breathing, check his heart, press his nose against Steve’s pulse point, he had to.

He nodded, though, of course. They were much too old for that, far too old for Bucky to hug Steve when he slept and rub his back to make sure he was properly warm and far too old for Bucky to sleep on his stomach, even if it hurt his back, just to make sure that Steve got to be protected all over and feel safe while he was asleep. They were way, way too old for that.   

So after years of sleeping in the living room alone on the couch cushions of course Bucky was going to be a little, ah, _excited_ about holding Steve while he slept again.

Steve was tiny. Bucky would never admit to using the word petite, but that was the word he used. Steve was soft and small enough to be the perfect little spoon, all wrapped up in Bucky’s arms and pressed close to his chest. The only down side was that Bucky’s dick was pressed snuggly against Steve’s ass.  

Bucky was… large, if he did say so himself, several girls had said so too, and, when his entire shaft was erect and pressing insistently against Steve’s ass it was a little hard to miss. “Good dream, soldier?” Steve teased warily.

Bucky cleared his throat and rolled out of bed “Sorry.” He said easily, keeping a blush down and keeping his voice even as he swaggered to the bathroom. “Can’t remember!” He called as he stepped into the bath tub, biting his lip, knowing damn well who he had been dreaming about.

“She musta been pretty!” Steve called back as he made his way out of bed to get breakfast ready.

Bucky huffed, resting his forehead against the wall of the shower and taking slow deep breaths. He could get himself off, Steve wouldn’t care. Honestly, they were best friends and guys, if Steve had woken up with morning wood Bucky would have had no more to say to him that Steve had said to Bucky.

He shoved his hand down his sleep pants, gasping when familiar, calloused fingers met hot smooth flesh. He wanted to jack off, he really, really did, but instead of anything that would get him in the mood all he could think about was what Steve must be thinking. That he had been dreaming of some dame and that was what got him all hot and bothered when in reality he had been dreaming of Steve. He was the only on Bucky ever dreamed of.

He gently massaged himself, he tried to picture Steve from the dream, lips cherry red from kissing and biting, cheeks flushed from taking Bucky over and over, eyes dreamy from orgasm after orgasm. He tried, he did, but all he could see was Steve looking sad over his eggs as Bucky wacked off to one of the many girls he had bedded. His cock flagged quickly after that, leaving him, instead, with a bitter taste in his mouth and even more stressed about the living arrangement than before.

**

Steve was with his eggs, but he didn’t look sad, per-say, just pensive as he read the newspaper. “You know,” He commented as Bucky walked in in his boxers, “if I keep getting woken up like that we are going to need to get you a bed sooner than I thought. Bucky laughed and swiped at his head.

“Sorry.” Bucky said with a grin, shoveling eggs onto his plate then pouring himself and Steve both cups of coffee, “I promise it won’t happen again.”

Steve chuckled and took the offered mug, “Mmh!” He hummed suddenly, reaching into a small pile of letters and pulling one out, “Mr. James Buchan-“ Bucky snatched it out of Steve’s hand before the smaller could finish his name, he hated his full name.

“Looks official,” Steve commented looking up, his eyes lit with excitement, “think it’s…”

Bucky didn’t even wait for him to finish before ripping the envelope open and reading, “Dear, Mr. Barnes we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to the army and will be expected to ship out to basic in a week’s time…” He trailed off as he read; a week… that was really all he had before he joined?

He felt his cheeks redden when he looked up at Steve who looked back, fiercely proud, “Private Barnes.” He said with a grin, Bucky knew how eager Steve was to join the army but he wasn’t the type to be pissed just because Bucky had made it before him.

“Yeah.” He beamed, he felt… excited. Really fucking excited. He was going off to fight and defend, to keep the country safe. He grinned up at Steve before feeling the bottom drop out of his stomach. He would be leaving Steve…

Something must have showed on his face because Steve frowned at him “Buck, wha-?”

Bucky launched across the table and grabbed Steve in a tight hug, “I’m going to miss you, punk.” He said, squeezing tight. Steve laughed a little thinly, hugging back and smiling against Bucky’s ear, “I’m right here, jerk.” He retorted as he clutched at Bucky’s warm bare back.

What was he going to do without this? Bucky wondered as he ran his hand up and down Steve’s own clothed back soothingly. He hadn’t been kidding about the withdrawal; he really did feel like he was getting physically sick when he was away from the other man too long. How could he go through all of basic without even seeing his Steve?

Then a thought struck him, “I want a picture of you.” He said seriously, letting go of Steve enough to look at him.

“What?” Steve asked, blinking and frowning.

“A picture, all the other guys will have one.”

“Yeah, Buck, they’ll all have pictures of their girls.”

“You’re close enough to a girl.” That earned him a smack on the shoulder. “Seriously, Steve.” He smiled and hugged him again, “I want a picture of you to carry with me.”

He could almost hear the wheels in Steve’s head turning, trying to find some reason Bucky couldn’t carry a picture with him. Bucky knew how much he hated how he looked and Steve always grumbled that pictures made him look even paler. “Please. You can even draw one if you want. I just want to have you with me…” Bucky asked softly, he could almost hear Steve’s resolve break.

“What will you say? Having a picture of your best friend with you is going to make you look like a queer.” Bucky did his best not to wince, he hated that Steve didn’t know, would never know, but he could handle it. “I’ll say you’re my brother or cousin. Or I’ll just keep it secret. I’ll think of something.”  

Steve rolled his eyes, “Alright, fine.” He gave Bucky a pinch on the side as an indication that it was time to let go and got one final squeeze from the man before he finally was released.  

“Thanks, Steve.” He said as he headed for his little pile of possessions, grabbing some clothes, “I’ve got to turn in my notice down at the yard.” He called as he changed. “And hey.” He poked his head around the door and gave Steve a serious look. “Don’t do that thing you do with drawings of yourself. You’re thin, not gaunt.”

Steve blushed and shook his head, “Fine.”

“Steve.”

“I said, fine, Buck.” Steve said just shy of angrily, feeling more colour flood his cheeks, “Now shoo, I have a fucking picture.”

Bucky grinned and gave Steve’s hair a ruff before finally, finally leaving Steve with his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I have actually had this in my documents for a few days but prom is a thing so yeah. Enjoy and much love.

Steve waited until Bucky left to get his easel set up. He hummed to himself softly, hoping to keep himself from focusing too hard on the task at hand. When he had his easel set up and his supplies arranged, he took a deep steeling breath, and went to the bathroom and got the mirror he used to shave.

Steve set up mechanically, trying not to focus on the glimpses of his face he caught every now and then in the mirror. When he finally finished,  he plopped down, fidgeting with his hair and the easel, then stopped. It was now or never.

He slowly turned to face himself in the mirror, the frail, sickly, gaunt man that starred back made his stomach churn. He scowled and turned to the paper. “For Bucky,” he muttered as he drew the first line.

**

Eleven year old Steve was scowling at himself in the mirror as he tried to draw a self-portrait. Everyone in the class had to, the class was mostly pretty girls with blonde hair who looked enough like art already, then there was Steve. He hated the sickly pallor that starred back at him from the mirror, the sad eyes, the dirty yellow hair, everything.

“Done yet?” Asked a voice from his feet.

Steve looked down at where his bare feet rested on Bucky’s back, the other boy was on his stomach reading a book and proving to be a very helpful foot rest for Steve. “Haven’t even started…” Steve sighed as he set his pencil down and rubbed his face.

Bucky looked up at Steve, lifting his feet so he could roll out from under him. “Why not?” He asked as he rested his chin on the blonde’s knee like an expectant puppy. Steve, looked down and shrugged, Bucky gave him a hard look, “Steve…”

“I don’t like the way it looks.” Steve said

“That’s okay. I know it takes you a few tries sometime-“

“No Buck…” Steve blushed and rubbed his chin “I don’t like the way… it looks.”

It was only then Bucky realised that Steve was talking about his face. Bucky stood and crossed his arms looking seriously at Steve. “It looks fine, Steve,” he said, as he grabbed the mirror and held it up for his friend to look at.

Even at this age, Steve shied away from his face. “No come on…” Bucky gently turned his chin. “Look.” He traced along Steve’s eye brows then down around his chin, smiling, he reached up to trace Steve’s lips, full and inviting, even back then. Then he ran a gentle finger over the boy’s closed eyes. “You’re pretty as a dame.” Bucky smiled, he had been trying out the word and thought it suited Steve perfectly.

Steve felt his cheeks flood with colour and Bucky couldn’t help but think that was the prettiest look of all. “Draw yourself now,” he said, quickly handing the mirror to Steve and watching him jump to work, trying to capture the look of his eyes and pink cheeks even as they faded.

He got the best grade in the class on that picture and he hugged Bucky until he thought he might pass out when he got back.

**

Steve actually smiled at himself on the page. He had bright eyes and might have been just about to laugh; his hair was swept artfully and his cheeks were a soft pink. He had even went to the trouble of colouring the whole thing. He had given the little picture a bright blue backdrop, shading his lips a shade brighter red than they normally were, given his hair a true blonde luster, and used a few techniques to make sure his eyes shone with delight instead of the anguish that had been bubbling under the surface since Bucky had gotten his letter.

He bit his lip and scrawled his name in minute print at the bottom, riffling about in his little art case for a pocket frame, gently sealing the picture inside and smiling. He looked… alive, in the picture, and happy. Steve was always a little queer when Bucky was with him. That was Bucky’s fault though, he was the one who really acted the part, kissing Steve and hugging him, when they were little. His mom had called Bucky a snuggle bug when she came in on the two of them cuddled up together.

Steve wasn’t gay, of course. He would never sink so low to be what the bible called ‘an abomination’. At least, that was what his mom had told him when he was fifteen and told him not to let Bucky in his bed anymore. He knew Bucky couldn’t be gay either with as many girls as he had bedded, he was just a snuggle bug.

**

Steve was in the middle of doing a few tiny critiques of his work; he always found the mistakes after the pictures were sealed, when he heard the door to the apartment open and Bucky humming a very out of tune Sinatra song.

“You should leave the torture to the Nazis,” Steve joked as Bucky grabbed him in a hug from behind.

“You love my singing voice,” he said seriously, ruffling Steve’s hair and heading for the room. “Want me to make dinner?” He called

“No I can-“

A wad of bills flew out of the bedroom and hit Steve, the young man looked down in shock, “Bucky, what…” there must be fifteen dollars in the wad.

“It’s my advance,” the elder said with a huge grin, as he tugged a shirt over his head. “They told me I was looking a little thin, but that the army could use guys like me.” Steve shook his head in wonder. They could eat something that wasn’t soup.

 

“Steak and potatoes?” Bucky asked with a huge smile.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay! I had such horrible writers block for this and the first draft was off on the wrong tangent and I am just lucky I have a good beta. Thank you again for reading! I have something over a thousand hits and I love each and everyone of you who read it.

Bucky starred in stunned silence.

“I-is it okay?” Steve stuttered, drawing his knees up on the couch and looking at Bucky worriedly. The older man nodded slowly reaching to stroke his fingers along the edge of the frame and swallowed a lump in his throat.

“Perfect.” He said with a catch in his voice. The next six weeks were going to be hell, he knew it and he was scared as shit to go in but… he tugged Steve close, smiling sadly as the other man hugged back so tight “I love it, thank you.”

Steve blushed as he hugged Bucky back “Don’t start crying,” He said in a wobbly voice, “haven’t even left yet.”

Bucky chuckled softly and closed his eyes, he could fall asleep here the steak and baked potato were making him feel warm and sleepy as he hugged his best friend. “Mmh…” He hummed “Just tears of joy, can’t wait to be on vacation for six weeks.”

Steve laughed weakly and swatted at him, “Yeah and I can’t wait to have the place to myself.” He snuggled back into Bucky’s army, feeling safe and warm with him. “Mom was right,” He commented as he closed his eyes “you’re a snuggle bug alright.”

The elder chuckled and rubbed his back, “And you can’t keep yourself warm, you’re lucky I’m a snuggle bug, pal.”

Bucky laid back, pulling Steve with him so that they were curled up on the couch, the radio playing softly in the background as Bucky held Steve, he was scared. Oh god he was so scared. Who would look after his stupid punk? He was the only one who knew so much about the other man what if someone came in and screwed up all his hard work at keeping Steve healthy?

“You’ll look after yourself, right?”

“No I was planning on becoming a mafia boss while you were away.”

“Well it’s pretty good money.”

Steve laughed and sat up, “I’ll be okay, Buck. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

“No back alleys?”

Steve squared his shoulders, “I won’t go looking for them but-“

“Like hell.” Bucky laughed as he propped himself up on his arms, “I swear you love to get beat up.” He teased as he reached to pat Steve’s leg, “Just… nothing too big? Not until I’m back to patch you up.”

Steve nodded, “Yeah.” He whispered as he laid back against Bucky’s chest, “Nothing too big.”

**

“Please don’t tell mom.” Steve sobbed as Bucky tried to franticly dab at an enormous gash under his eye, “She-she’ll never let me come to get you by myself again.”

Steve had rushed to the orphanage as soon as school was out to see Bucky, he was a tiny nine year old with a book bag that weighed him down and shoes that were too big. It had been raining and he had slipped into puddles twice, he had looked a lot like a soaked puppy waiting for Bucky to be released and Bucky guessed that was why the thugs had decided to pick on him.

Bucky had sat on the stoop for over fifteen minutes, blinking back tears, Steve had forgotten him, he was going to drop Bucky like everyone else had. Then he heard someone scream his name. Steve was curled into a ball on the wet pavement as one of the guys kicked him over and over, the other two rooting through his bag.

“Hey!” Bucky shouted “ Leave him alone.”

One of the men barked a laugh “Musta been the boy he told us about.” He jeered as he threw Steve’s school bag to the other man, “The nice one.”

To this day Bucky will swear up and down that he beat all three men off and carried Steve home but in reality he happened to yell loud enough that one of the orphanage workers, a big burly woman with a shot gun, came storming out as the men were grabbing Bucky.

The carrying him home was true though.

“Shh…” Bucky whispered as he cleaned him up, though his own eyes were filled with tears to, “it’s okay, Steve, I’ve got you.”

Steve nodded and did his best to keep his face firm but Bucky could tell every breath was hurting, he hoped the boy hadn’t cracked a rib. “They called me…” he looked at his feet and blushed in embarrassment.

“What did they call you?” Bucky asked as he smoothed a band-aid over Steve’s cheek.

“A fag…” Steve whispered, hanging his head in shame. Bucky sighed, they were too young to know all of this, but growing up on the wrong side of Brooklyn taught you things a lot quicker than you wanted to learn them.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner.” Bucky whispered “They were just bullies, Steve.” He said gently, “Don’t listen to anything they say.”

“I know… but they called you one too.” He looked up at Bucky with rain in his hair and blood in his fair eyebrows and a split lip “That’s why I hit them.”

**

Bucky tiptoed into the apartment and listened, the radio was playing softly in their room, he could hear Steve’s pencil scratching away on paper. Good, he was distracted. It was common knowledge that both men had sweet tooths. It had been pretty frequent, hell it still happened, that one of the women would need Bucky’s help with something and would pay him in cookies or a slice of cake. He was simple like that. Steve was a little harder to cater to, he wasn’t good with manual labour, but if any of them ever wanted a drawing he would do it for a cupcake or a bag of chocolate.

The war had hit that hard though. There wasn’t as much sugar to go around and, because both of them were kind of horrible at baking, they ended up going without sweets more often than not. But Bucky had ten dollars left after shoving sweaters at Steve and snapping up some discount art supplies and bringing home good meals every night and there was a pretty kickass bakery down the street.

Carefully he set the chocolate cake in the centre of the counter, smiling and licking his lips, after pork tonight, he promised himself as he uncovered it to take a quick whiff.

“Hey, Bucky? Do you kn-“ Steve stopped short and starred “Is that…?” before Steve could finish the thought there was a tangle of limbs and a shout of laughter as the two men tumbled onto the couch. “Lemme have a piece!” Steve shouted as he struggled against Bucky.

“Food first then cake!” Bucky shouted back

Neither of them had ever eaten so fast in their lives. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter and got a little choked up writing it. Love you all and keep being perfect. Enjoy!

Bucky’s last day was rainy with peals of thunder so loud it shook the walls of their little apartment. Steve sat at his easel and worked away quietly. Bucky was half asleep on the couch, watching the sparse muscles in Steve’s back work as he did. “Hey," he suddenly said between a clap of thunder and a flash of lightening. Steve looked back at him and smiled.

“Yeah?” He asked with a smile, turning around in the chair and straddling it. He smiled a lot more, even if all his smiles were sadder than they normally were.

“You still can’t dance,” Bucky said.

“Thanks, Buck.”

“Come on.” Bucky laughed as he stood up and stretched his back. “You gotta know how to dance. What if a lovely young dame comes up to you while I’m gone, hmm? I won’t be there to distract her.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but took Bucky’s out stretched hands. “No music, no dame, can’t really dance with one if all I have is you.”

“Sure you can.” Bucky took his hands and pulled him over. "I can teach you right here.”

Steve chuckled. “Sometimes, Bucky, I think you’re just a little queer.”

“You know I’m queer for you.” Bucky teased, as he yanked Bucky against him. “Now come on, up on my feet.”

“Bucky what-?”

“Up on my feet, soldier, quickest way to teach you how to dance.”

“I’m not a five year old girl," Steve complained, but stepped up onto Bucky’s feet anyway. Thunder boomed again outside and lightening lit the room seconds later. Slowly Bucky began to dance them around the room, moving gracefully and smiling as Steve slowly got the rhythm. “Now she is going to look up into your eyes,” Bucky said, as he spun them around and looked down at Steve with a smile.

“And she might have that look on her face, the one that means she wants a kiss from you.”

“You aren’t going to try that, are you?” Steve teased, his eyes locking with Bucky’s.

“You’d kiss back if I did.”

Steve shook his head with a smile. “You’re pretty full of yourself, Mr. Barnes," he muttered as he continued to stare into Bucky’s eyes. “What makes you think a fine upstanding guy like me would go for a deviant like you?” He joked.

Bucky chuckled. "Alright, you’d kick me out of the house and make me walk home in the rain.”

“Yes, I would, now let me get back to work.”

Bucky laughed loudly this time, letting Steve hop off his feet and get back to work, but not before grabbing him in a hug. “You’re going to miss me so bad," he muttered, as he buried his face in Steve’s hair.

The blonde turned around and looked at Bucky hard before his lip started to wobble and he sagged against him. “God, I know…”

**

“Bucky go away.”

“But Steve! It’s important!”

The eight year old sighed and sat up. “What is it, Buck?”

“We need to get married,” said Bucky seriously.

Steve looked at him and shook his head. “Boys can’t marry boys, Bucky.”

“Can too, and the nuns said if you wanna stay with someone forever, all you gotta do is marry them and then they’ll never go away.”

The look Bucky gave him was too pitiful to ignore. “Alright…” He sighed as he rolled off the bed, shoving his sketch pad away. “How are we going to get married?” He asked as he let Bucky grab his hand.

“All you gotta say is ‘I do,’” Bucky said as he grabbed Steve’s hands. The blonde rolled his eyes good naturally. Bucky may be the oldest one, but Steve was the one that acted it.

“I do?” Steve asked with a smile.

“I do too.” Bucky chirped happily and hugged Steve tight. “Now don’t ever leave.”

**

“I’m so proud of you, Buck," Steve whispered into the man’s ear, rubbing his quivering back. “You’re going to be the best.”

“No, you would be,” Bucky muttered back as he pressed his face into Steve’s shoulder. “You’d be the best, I’d just be the good looking one.”

Steve laughed and let go enough to look at his friend. “Yeah, well, you be the best until I get there, okay?” He said as he smoothed an errant lock of hair out of Bucky’s eyes. “Wish we had a bit more oil, you’re falling apart, pal," he teased.

“I’ll be falling apart for six weeks, Steve,” he joked back, “and you’ll be even worse. Who is going to get the jars open or the bowls off the high shelves?”

Steve smacked at his shoulder. “Maybe I’ll hit a growth spurt. You won’t even recognize me when you come home.”

“Yeah I’ll bet.” Bucky took a deep breath. It was now or never: time to go. “I’ll see you soon, Steve.” He patted his breast pocket for the picture and smiled. “I’ve got this in the meantime.” Steve nodded, doubt and fear flitting across his face for the briefest moment. “You okay?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah, just…” He wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist and pressed his face into the man’s warm chest, “It’s gonna be a rough few weeks is all.”

Bucky sighed and nodded, hugging Steve close, reaching up to run his fingers though soft blonde hair, “I know… I know.” He let go and sighed, trying for a smile, as he cupped Steve’s cheek. “I gotta go, punk,” he said, ruffing Steve hair.

“Hey, jerk,” he said as Bucky started to grab his bags, “don’t get cocky, okay? I’m going to be over soon and you’ll be is second place again.” He joked with a tired smile.

Bucky threw a salute and started for the bus station.

It was going to be hell the next six weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yes, I am fucking with the time line for Brian but he was just perfect for this part so yeah. Enjoy as always and love you all to death!!

Steve always forgot how cold he could get, considering the last couple months, he had Bucky holding him in his sleep; that had spoiled him. The first morning after Bucky left for basic, Steve woke shivering violently with the blankets coiled around him like a big cocoon. 

He should get up. Bucky teased him relentlessly when he stayed curled up in bed, even if Bucky was just as lazy and was normally the one making sure to keep Steve in bed for a bit longer. The only issue was he simply couldn’t find the energy to move. Steve pressed his face into the pillow and huffed, feeling himself get even sadder when soft fingers didn’t start working through his hair. Since when did he rely on Bucky this much?

He slowly wiggled out of bed, drawing the blankets close to keep himself warm and slowly made his way to the kitchen, only to fall onto the couch halfway there. Steve curled into a ball and closed his eyes, sobs wracking his body and making him short of breath. Bucky should be here to coach him through it and rub his back, and tell him to breathe. Steve hiccuped his way through a fit of sobs and almost incurred an asthma attack as he curled tighter, his head spinning. He couldn’t make it, although he was so, so proud of his friend, his brother. But six weeks? It would be easier if Steve was away too, but instead, he was stuck at home, useless…

Steve fumbled for one of the two throw pillows his mom had insisted he and Bucky needed, hugging it close and burying his face in it. He took a deep breath, Bucky’s aftershave just barely clung to the fabric and made his head light. He would make it, it was only six weeks, he could do it. 

**

Bucky didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t do anything outlandish, just stood hollowly as the drill sergeant shouted at him to pick his bags up, then put his bags down, pick his bags up, then put his bags down, over and over until his back was stiff and his ears ringing.

He ended up getting saddled with the bed by the door, the one no one wanted. He threw his bags on the bed and started to unpack, making sure to slip the picture of Steve into his front pocket. “What do we have here?” one of them asked as he grabbed the portrait from Bucky before the brunette could stop him. The man starred at the picture then at Bucky then at the picture. “You fucking faggot!” He barked.

Bucky was just getting ready to hammer his fist into the man’s face when they were broken up. That, of course, had gotten him sent to the Drill Sergeant’s office. He was a British man, and Bucky would have been pretty attracted to him under different circumstances. “Mr. Barnes,” he sighed as he looked at him from across the desk. “I have a half a mind to give you a medal.”  
Bucky blinked and looked down at him. “Sir?”

“You nearly bashed in the head of a gent because he seemed he believed you were a- ah- ‘Fucking faggot’, was the phrase I believe.” The sergeant winked at him. “In the army, faggots have to look after each other.”

Bucky liked him a lot more after that.

Things got a little easier after that. The men liked Bucky because he made them laugh, and before the first week was over, the guy who had hassled Bucky was agreed upon to be the biggest jerk in the camp. But that wasn’t the only thing about camp that got better. The drill Sergeant seemed to like to look at him, and he smiled a lot when he was looking at him. “I’m sure you have a sweetheart back home,” the Sergeant, his name was Brian, Brian Falsworth, said one night when they had ended up smoking. Bucky did that now, on the steps of the mess hall.

“Kinda…” Bucky muttered as he took a drag and puffed a smoke ring. “He, uh… Doesn’t really know… 'bout me…” 

Brian smiled sympathetically. “I’m sure he loves you, James.” He kissed Bucky on the cheek. Bucky let him do that, it made him feel… good. “You’re quite a gentleman."  
**

There was a lot to be done, Steve knew that. He knew what he should be doing; he should be out scouring for commissions, but here he was, nothing but his undershirt and a pair of trousers, his suspenders hanging around his hips looking at the portrait of Bucky dominating the canvas in front of him. There was no reason he had to be doing the charcoal drawing, the shadows so realistic he had reached to brush Bucky’s cheek a few times before remembering and pulling back so as not to smudge.

This made him seem queer and he knew it, he knew if anyone came in and realized what he was doing they’d call the cops and Bucky would probably be sent in with him when he got home. Instead he ignored that and kept drawing his friend’s face. Steve bit his tongue as he smoothed the cupid’s bow of Bucky’s mouth, it looked almost perfect, but Bucky had lips made to be drawn and painted. It was hard to get lips like that right… this was all strictly artistic thinking. Steve was an artist, of art, and of aesthetically pleasing art-like things… The blonde sighed and sat down, looking up at Bucky’s face that took up his whole view.

He tilted his head, letting out a small noise and stood back up. “I fucking miss you,” he said out loud, looking at Bucky seriously, stroking the back of his knuckles along the canvas. “I miss you, you stupid bastard.”  
**

“James?” Brian called as he stuck his head into the barracks and smiled at the younger man. “Could you come in for a moment?”

Bucky stood getting a few curious looks from his friends and shrugged. He knew as much about what was going on as they did.

“Yes sir?” He asked when they were standing outside.

“There’s no need to be so formal, darling,” Brian teased handing him a cigarette. “I have a bit of an offer for you and am very much hoping you’ll accept.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and huffed smoke out his nose. “What are you planning, Bri?” Brian hated that nickname.

“Well, Jimmy,” Bucky rolled his eyes at the comeback, because yeah, he hated being called Jimmy, “you’re a good man, the best in the group.” He turned and smiled, tapping the end of his smoke, the ash falling gently on the ground between the two men. “The army needs men like you.”

“Kind of why I’m here,” Bucky said slowly, nodding in the direction of the barracks.

“I mean now.”

The colour drained from Bucky’s face. “Oh…”

“How about a day back, then you head to the theater.” Brian said with a big smile. “As a Sergeant.”

Bucky looked at his feet and sighed; he would do it, because that’s what Steve would do. “I can- Yeah, that sounds swell.” He looked up at Brian and was met with an enormous smile. “So I get one night?” He asked, trying to sound a little more excited.

Brian gave him a painfully sympathetic smile, reaching out his hand as if to shake, Bucky raised an eyebrow but took it anyway, starting a little when Brian pulled him into a hug. “Tell Steve.”

“What?” Bucky asked as he hugged back. “I mean of course I will, he knows when I lea-“

“No.” Brian released him and clapped his cheek with a grin. “Tell him.”  
**

Steve was sicker than he had ever been and Bucky should not be slipping in through his window right now. Scarlet fever was apparently a bitch. They were ten and Bucky was gangly and not the least bit proportional. Steve was still small and frail, but it didn’t stick out as much back then.

He still got in fights, Bucky still got him out of them.

The older boy, pulled up the blankets, Steve didn’t so much as stir. “Can’t do this to me, Steve…” Bucky whispered as he pressed his head against the back of Steve’s. “Making me worry like this…”

Bucky rested his head on his forearm, reaching to rub his hand over Steve’s arm, feeling the fever through his pale skin. “I can’t keep you safe from stuff like this…” Bucky whispered. “You can’t do this to me… I love you, punk.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first serious fic and it really means a lot, all the support I have been getting. I love this story and I love all the people who have helped contribute to it so yeah. Stay perfect and keep the comments and kudos coming. They are a fucking ace confidence booster. Much love.


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